im about as happy as oj after his trial
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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