Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize