I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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