I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
