yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
