You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
