He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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