so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
