He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
