THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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