The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
