My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
