So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
