YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
