In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
