i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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