how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
