FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
