so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
