Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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