I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
