is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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