i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
