best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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