I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm both gender and math confused
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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