Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
