I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
