She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
