I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
