she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
