How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I want to fling myself into the sun
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize