Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize