does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
