out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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