nut hugger
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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