I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
