Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
