she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
