It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
