My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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