They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize