who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
