Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
