Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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