well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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