I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
