It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
