brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
