She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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