Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
