youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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