we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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