cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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