im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How external is "for external use only"?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
