Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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