drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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