You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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