my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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