$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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