Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
