I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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