Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
