White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
