I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
