Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
