i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
