Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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