i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
