I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
