OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
if only i could text you this smell
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
