Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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