Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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