grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
