I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
