you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
