Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
