By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
