I want to stick my p in your. b.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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