Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
