Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize