He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
