I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
